just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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