he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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