Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize