I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
