dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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