she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
