It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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