I skipped work to stalk him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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