Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
