barbara walters just said penis...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
