do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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