Quick, to the slutcave!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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