I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
