her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
