I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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