You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
zippers are such a cool invention
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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