Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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