i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize