Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
