Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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