I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
