i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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