Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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