well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
