dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize