In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
