Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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