need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
