i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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