Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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