I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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