I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
