My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
