I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
