i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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