i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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