there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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