you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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