my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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