cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
