so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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