This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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