i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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