Your tits are I can't wait for
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
