he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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