Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
