you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
