His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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