I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
