Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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