hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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