Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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