i just google imaged poop.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
