Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
