So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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