Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
