the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
