It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
