i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
