I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
