How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
last night I used snow as a chaser
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
