Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
