I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
